Dear Lucy: I feel as if my life is one of constant conflict. I must be a magnet for drama. I run into it at work, at home, at the beauty shop, on the road and with my family. There must be something that I am doing wrong! Please help. Just give me some practical ways to stop the drama! – Drama Queen by Default
Dear Queen: This message is for Kings too! Notice that I just called you a Queen. I didn't say what kind and I didn't limit you. So, Step 1: Be a Queen. Remember that you are the one who gets to define the kind of Queen you are. You can be the Queen of mean, failure, ugly, sad or any other negative adjective you choose.
On the other hand you can consciously use your power to CHOOSE and be the Queen of Peace, Calm, Contentment, Joy, Solutions, Success or whatever floats your boat in any moment. The fact that you make the choice means that it doesn't happen by 'default'. It happens because you choose. Step 2: Choose the kind of Queen you will be.
Step 3: Keep the peace within yourself. When you have taken steps 1 and 2, you are well on your way to this next step. At first, you may have to do serious battle with your old ways of thinking. That part of you that is not under control and is attracting all of the drama will not want to give up that control. Every time you catch yourself wanting or expecting drama, immediately remind yourself that you are the Queen of Peace, that peace follows you, is standing at the left and right of you, goes before you making the crooked ways straight and lingers behind you holding the peace and covering your back!
Step 4: Accept that Peace, Calm and Wisdom are your birthrights. You deserve to be peace, have peace and bring peace. You are worthy of it!
Step 5: Be willing to set boundaries for yourself and for how you allow others to be when they are in your space. Remember, you have drawn these situations, conditions and people into your experience for a reason. Maybe the reason is a simple as forcing you to learn how to control your own thinking and expectations for good. Create a set of non-negotiable rules for how you choose to be.
These are simple rules for YOU. They don't have to be imposed on anyone else once you set and accept them for yourself. For example, "It is not OK for me to cuss, be cussed, or to listen to cussing." If you accept this as a boundary/rule, the moment you find yourself in this situation you leave. It also means that you don't do to others what you don't find acceptable for yourself. It means that no matter how much you love another or want to be with them, you quietly make the boundary clear. Do it respectfully and not demandingly. But stick to it.
I only have a few boundary rules. But first, I practice being the way that I want to see my life show up.
I read this quote recently, "Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict – alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence." ometimes the violence we experience comes from inside of us. This can happen when we won't love ourselves enough to clearly set boundaries that reinforce our own self-worth and acknowledge our own worthiness to live as Queens (or Kings).
Be somebody's Queen today – your own!
(Check out Lucy Shaw's website at http://www.heartworks4u.com. You may send your questions to her by U.S. mail to: Heartworks4U, LLC; 4646 Poplar Ave. Ste 201, Memphis, TN 38117 or by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.orgThis email address is being protected from spambots.)
(For help with the feelings that get in the way of prayer and peace of mind, get Lucy's new book, "BE NOT ANXIOUS." Order it directly from her at 901-907-0260 or go to her web site www.heartworks4u.com.)