Dear Lucy: My son is seven years old and he has already been to three different schools. He just won't behave, sit still, stop talking or pay attention. His Dad says that he was the same way as a kid and I know that even though I was smart in school I was also a smart aleck. But we have tried everything with this boy and I am frustrated. What can you recommend.
Dear Frustrated: When we are frustrated, we eventually get around to prayer, so I am sure you have put some calls in to the Lord also. Today, I want to share something called "The Blessing Technique" with you. It is to be used for a solid 21 days. So mark your calendar when you begin.
Sit down and write out all of the things about your son that peeve you or that you would like to see changed. Select three to five of the worst ones. Now rewrite each of them as you would like to see them. For example, "Billy just will not be still and pay attention" becomes "Billy is more and more able to sit still and focus on what is important in the moment." This is now a positive outcome rather than a negative expectation.
The next step is to take your positive outcome statement and turn it into a blessing. For example, "I bless, bless and bless, praise, praise and raise Billy's ability to sit still and focus on what's important in the moment." This must be done three times a day for 21 days.
We can use the "Blessing Technique" on anything that we find disturbing. In fact, it may work better if you changed the other persons name to "my," "I" or "me." For example, "I bless, bless and bless, praise, praise and raise my ability to sit still and focus on what's important in the moment."
So often, the things that bother us the most about others are the things we cannot seem to change in ourselves. We are often seeing the parts of ourselves that we don't like or have not been able to change. This becomes especially hard in parenting because we are afraid that we will fail or that our children will "be like us" in our worst ways! We look for these things to show up and when they do, we get upset and make a mountain out of a molehill by setting the expectation for them to happen over and over again. We get what we look for. And often, what we see is how that same trait or habit caused problems for us and we don't want our children to have the same experience as ours.
Instead of cursing, why not bless? As we bless and praise what we truly want, we change our own attitude. How does that work? Praising, raising and blessing raises our own thoughts to a higher level of good. This creates an attraction in our lives for what we want instead of what we don't want. We also get rid of the fear that blocks our good. We simply cannot receive into our lives what we do not accept.
Criticizing, condemning and judging brings attention to what we don't want. Yet, our attention to the negative makes the negative look like we are more willing to accept it than the positive. Blessing, praising and raising shifts our attention to what we want that is positive.
Make your list today of what you really want to see and experience. Maybe it is in your marriage, at work, how you handle your money or food. Try the blessing technique three times a day for 21 days and watch the healing take place. Try not to miss a single day. It's the consistency and persistence that counts.
(For help with the feelings that get in the way of prayer and peace of mind, get Lucy's new book, "BE NOT ANXIOUS." Order it directly from her at 901-907-0260 or from her website.)