- Written by Tri-State Defender Newsroom
- Written by Tony Jones
- Written by Wiley Henry
Dear Lucy: I divorced my husband ten years ago. We have one child and now he is seventeen. His father has never paid child support and I have never done anything about it because I can usually handle everything myself. However, when I really need his help and ask, he knows how to push my buttons, make me mad and I walk away angry and empty handed. He has never done anything for our son willingly and makes me feel guilty for asking by telling me about the last time he gave me money. Now, my son doesn't even want to ask for anything. Senior year is coming up and I can really use the help. How can I get different results?
Dear Buttons: Our emotions can work for or against us. Could it be that one of the buttons he pushes is the one called pride and unforgiveness? These two states can make us very emotional.
First there is the pride that made you think you didn't need or want his help so you decided not to legally enforce his responsibility to provide support for his child. Second, when we wallow in unforgiveness, it's hard to be civil. And here is something about forgiveness that we need to remember. To forgive a person does not mean that we let them go free. It means that we let ourselves go free. We become free enough to think rationally and without cloudy emotions.
- Written by Lucy Shaw
Dear Lucy: Is it my imagination or is there a new level of interest in things that pertain to women? Everywhere I look, there is something about women's rights or beauty or abuse. There is just so much attention on women now. I don't know whether to be sad or glad. What is going on?
– Confused Woman
Dear Confused Woman: I notice it too. But what I see looks like a long overdue push back.
There is nothing new about feminism and there have been lots of myths around about what it means to be a feminist. To stand up for equal treatment of women does not mean that you have to be female or gay, or liberal or support abortion or atheists or any thing of the sort. I think it is simply enough to expect to be treated respectfully, to be treated equally and to be able to speak your mind without fear of censure.
- Written by Lucy Shaw
Sometimes, a sister has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding her soul mate. In Dr. Nazaree Hines-Starr's case, she had to date a lot of "scumbags," as she puts it.
As a black woman, she had trouble meeting single guys who were at her level "emotionally, academically or professionally. Unfortunately, most of the available African-American men she met "had managed to waste years that should have been spent in college or developing a career, chasing skirts, getting arrested, or playing video games."
Moreover, many had "accumulated baggage" such as "rap sheets" and "baby-mama drama." And even the rare brother who had his act together was never serious about settling down and starting a family.
- Written by Kam Williams
Benjamin Crump, known to many as the attorney that represented the family of Trayvon Martin as they sought justice for his fatal shooting at the hands of George Zimmerman, will keynote The Conference on Family 2014 in Memphis on Friday (Feb. 28th).
Temple Church of God in Christ is hosting the three-day conference that will stretch through Sunday (March 2nd) at the church at 672 South Lauderdale. Attorney Crump will speak at 7 p.m.
The goal of the conference is to bring people together in a common forum to discuss today's problems and challenges of families, including how to deal with juvenile delinquency, aging parents, unwed mothers, and the social and emotional stresses of poverty.
Dear Lucy: I have a friend who has had back trouble for some 20 years following an accident. She has back pain and has gone to lots of doctors and is overweight from lack of exercise. She has now started exploring alternative therapies that she won't do. The problem is that she is so negative, whiney and mean and has nothing good to say about anything or anybody. I help her out a lot, travel with her and work hard to be her friend and support. But she really doesn't want to be well. She just wants to complain. I hate to desert her but it's making me sick! I am the only one left who caters to her and is there for her. Any ideas. – Pained
Dear Pained: I think this is about both of you. She has set her boundaries for healing and you need to set some boundaries for helping.
About her: Many of us have a low threshold for pain and it's worse when we have to live with it daily. It can make you irritable and short tempered. But there are lots of things out there for pain beyond drugs.
- Written by Lucy Shaw