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Is there a statute of limitations on the ‘Girlfriend Rule?’

stuffhappens 600The Dilemma: A young lady writes, "I met a very distinguished, articulate and fine specimen of a man, who makes me feel like a queen. We have known each other for 17 months and spent a great amount of time together. We have never defined our relationship in words except he says, 'I'm his person.' What does that mean exactly?

"Then last week, I found out he dated a friend of mine 10 years ago and they were serious. Now, I don't know what to do. He knows that we are friends, but he dated her before we became friends. We are both 47 years old. I think she will be mad once she finds out; my girlfriend is married and lives out of town. But I know she's very possessive of her friends, both women and men. What should I do?"

The Response: This is definitely an interesting predicament. You have to weigh your life. This is a hard decision. Do you think this relationship is moving toward marriage? Is marriage is what you eventually want?

First, get him to define "his person" title. Ask him where this relationship is going. If it's just causal to him and you're looking for more, move on. If marriage hasn't been discussed, he's just not feeling you in that manner.

Next, talk to your girlfriend, she shouldn't find out from someone else. If she knows about the relationship, be honest. Listen to her.

Then, ask her to listen to you. Hopefully, this exchange will be civil and calm. If it be comes hostile, discontinue the conversation and leave.

Have you ever heard about the 'Girlfriend Rule?' It means this: "Never, ever date a Girlfriend's Ex." There's too much drama attached to it. Now you have invested 17 months in this man that makes you feel good.

Here's the bottom-line question: Which relationship is worth more to you?

You may be wrong about your girlfriend. If not, meditate, place it in the universe, ponder the situation. You may lose a friend. If so, part ways amicably.Time does heal, enjoy your life.

I'll give you a pass on the 'Girlfriend Rule' this time because 10 years is a long time and she is married.

(Stuff Happens, Then What? is an advice and relationship column that answers questions about life issues, situations and challenges. Send questions and dilemmas to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . All parties will remain anonymous.)

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