Dear Lucy: I have been having a lot of physical problems for a year. I was so afraid of what it might be that I didn't go to the doctor. I also didn't have the time or the money. I was busy just trying to keep my head above water, pay the rent and feed my kids. My mother died from cancer and I have always been afraid I would too. I ended up in the emergency room last week and now I know that my fears were right. The doctor talked to me really bad about being so stupid and not going to the clinic to get checked out earlier. I feel sick, stupid and scared. Tell me something, anything to help!
– Sick, Stupid and Scared
Dear SSS: First, I send you showers of Light and Love. I just wrap you in a cloud of Gods grace! You are not the first person to travel this road and probably not the last.
Fear is a hard taskmaster and comes to us in many forms. But we can always know it is present because we have the negative emotions to prove it. Those emotions, (fear, shame, guilt, blame, anger, overwhelmed, etc.) create a vibration in us that just brings on more of the same.
That's what living in the tyranny of the moment can do to you. You were doing the things that seemed the most important in the moment. You also thought that what you were doing to work and care for your children was good, unselfish and was all about being a good mother.
Sometimes we just don't know when and how to decide that being selfish is the right choice. Your sweet spirit was warning you and you didn't listen. Unfortunately, it is human nature to pay more attention to what we don't want rather than focusing on what we do want. You were paying attention to your mother's experience. We tend to get what we attend to.
I am sure that you are getting medical help now. One of the best times to learn to use your power for choosing right thoughts followed by right actions is when your back is up against the wall. Often, when Jesus would heal, he asked two questions: "Do you want to be healed?" And, "Do you believe I can do it?" So now, you can learn a new skill.
Every time you feel afraid of the cancer, the treatment, death, your children's future, stop and ask yourself, "What is it that I really want? Do I want these awful things I am afraid of or do I want to be well, healthy and whole?". Stop thinking on stupid and reverse into happy. At first it may seem hard, but do it anyway. You have the power of your thoughts and the presence of God to support you.
Also ask yourself, "Do I believe my way of thinking can make a difference?" That's a no brainier. Your past ways of thinking and not listening to your own sweet spirit got you into this, so choosing a new way of thinking can help you out.
Another question: "Having been so stupid, do I deserve to get better?" Of course you do! But now is the time to love yourself first and then your children. Jesus also said that one of the great commandments is "to love your neighbor as yourself." That means that you learn to love yourself so that you know what loving others is all about. So, eat well; rest well; pray well; laugh well; hope well; and choose well.
"Choose ye this day whom you will serve." If you want to stop being sick, stupid and scared, then you can do it by choosing to think about what you truly want and stop focusing on the past or an undesirable future. Look for the good no matter how small and at night before going to sleep, think on and give thanks for every little pleasure that you had that day. No blame, no shame, no guilt.
Begin every day by reading Phillipians 4: 4-8 and do it!
Much, much love,