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Mean self-talk not fit for a ‘queen’

LucyShaw-160Dear Lucy: I attended the Women of Excellence Workshop on "Visioning" that you presented last week. Thank you so much. I certainly intend to be a "queen in 2013." I wish it had been a full-day seminar. I got lots of information to work with but I just have one question. Can you just say some more for me and anybody else about how to not give up on my dream and stay motivated?

– A Queen in 2013

Dear Queen: Thanks for a very important question. I had a wonderful time presenting the workshop. When we make plans and create a new set of expectations for how we want to live our lives, we also need a few new skills to replace the old ways of being and doing.

One of the biggest challenges we face is keeping to Paul's admonishment: "for we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise."

In other words, one of the biggest stumbling blocks to success with our dreams comes when we look and listen to others whose gifts and talents and motives may be different from ours. We set ourselves up to either compete or compare our progress to theirs. When our results don't match theirs, we enter what is called "comparison despair."

One of my favorite writers, Wallace Wattles, says that the key to success or riches is the ability to let go of the need to compete. That can be a hard one to let go of in a society like ours where every day we pay obscene amounts of money to people to entertain us with competition. Or where people routinely get fired for not winning the contract, the sale, the boss's favor or whatever. We are taught to compete early. Kindergarteners learn early to compete at soccer or little league. Competition is the way that capitalism works. No wonder we work so hard comparing ourselves to others.

In families, we compete to see which ones will succeed or not. Sometimes our success gets hijacked because of criticism from family members or our unwillingness to break the rules of family. But still, the key is in not looking to the left or right...keeping your eyes focused on your desire, your motive and taking one step at a time.

There is something called "The Law of Gender." That law simply states that it takes as long as it takes...period. We plant a seed and then we do the things required to see it grow. We water, feed, love it and expect it to grow. Perhaps we can also remember that what we are seeing is just all the stuff that happens while our dream is happening. It's not good or bad...it's just process.

When we get stuck, just ask, "What would I do now if I didn't think I was stuck?" Then take that step and do it. Pretend that you are not stuck!

Most of all, be kind to yourself. Let go of any mean self-talk. Make a commitment to speak kindly to yourself and hold onto the end picture. Remember how it will feel and put on your big girl shoes and walk around in them until they fit!

From another Queen,


(You can watch Lucy on Channel 17 (Comcast) every Thursday at 10:30 am. (Send your questions to her by U.S. mail to: Heartworks4U, LLC; 4646 Poplar Ave. Ste 201, Memphis, TN 38117 or by e-mail to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Get your free gift at http://www.heartworks4u.com/)

(For help with the feelings that get in the way of prayer and peace of mind, get Lucy's new book, "BE NOT ANXIOUS." Order it directly from her at 901-907-0260 or from her website.)

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