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‘Not bad looking and lonely’ seeks dating-site info

  • Written by Tri-State Defender Newsroom
  • Published in Commentaries

Yvette-George 600Dilemma & Question: "I met a man online. We talked for months before we met. We lived in separate cities but close enough to visit. Well I dated him for 9 months. He finally asked me to marry him. I'm apprehensive, don't know why. Because he treats me well. But my gut tells me no! ... I want to do a background check on him but don't know how. (I did Goggle him) but found nothing. I live on a fixed income but I need to know about this man. I feel a dark spirit around him sometimes; he chalks it up to having a bad day. He wants me to move in and leave my hometown, where I have no one/family.

"Are these online dating sites safe or scams? Most men wanted a one-night stand. I'm too old & don't want to end up dating a crazy man or serial killer. Since I don't get out much online dating allows me to meet men & makes me feel wanted. I'm African American, 62, not bad looking, and lonely! Can you tell me of any legitimate dating sites? And do they really work?"

Dear 'not bad look, and lonely': Some people swear by these dating sites and have been successful. I tried a couple as an experiment for my TV show; 95 percent wanted "booty calls." That was six years ago. Since then, several others have popped up specializing in older singles, Christian singles, etc. Times have changed and we must change with it.

But have you tried traditional methods, such as asking friends if they know any single men, volunteering, and attending social events? I doubt "prince charming" will knock on your door. You must get out and enjoy life and meet people.

The Internet is full of sites where you can do a background check and I suggest you follow through. I certainly wouldn't leave town with a man I've only known for nine months. Do you know his friends and/or family?

Intuition is a great asset! It has served many people well and kept them alive when they listened to that little voice, gut, or that uneasy feeling. I understand you may be lonely. But, I'd rather be alive and feeling lonely than with a companion that may mean me harm. Slow down, get to know him better. Ask yourself, why is he in a hurry? Has he been married before? How much do you really know about this man?

If he loves you and he is the guy for you, he will wait and give you the space you need. Continue to date him. Listen to that inner voice.

Dating sites may be the way of the future. If so, go on more dates before you decide to marry a guy you just met. To be honest, it's a double-edge sword. He may be OK. I know people that dated for three months and have been married 50 years. (Rare).

Then there's the flip side.

So my advice is to go with your gut! You don't have to be lonely, date! Is he the only man you met on the site? I know plenty of married people that are lonely in their marriage. Enjoy life on your own and with the friends you have.

(Stuff Happens, Then What? is an advice and relationship column that answers questions about life issues, situations and challenges. Send questions and dilemmas to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . All parties will remain anonymous.)

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